One of the Cloud Series: Healed After Abuse

This dear woman told me her story when we spent the day together recently and I knew that it needed to be told. God can heal every wound, even the deepest ones we feel can never mend. I pray that if you have been abused in any way, that you will find hope in your situation and trust God's love for you. You are loved; you are valuable; you have a future.

And now, I'll let her share in her own words.

 

AM I GOOD ENOUGH? 

As a teenager, my thoughts were consumed with the belief that I was unlovable and inadequate. I was very, very alone. I grew up learning the Bible was the guide for life, but it had no effect in my heart which was broken, distrusting, disillusioned, and almost dead. I felt like I was physically dead with no hope of reviving. 

The majority of my life - as far as my memory goes, was full of every kind of abuse possible. That stopped when I was finally removed from the house and sent to a Catholic boarding school. The 3 1/2 years I spent there was (in hindsight) a tremendous blessing. My house mother began to teach me that God did not make junk. I had value and worth.

Oh, if I could have learned that at an earlier age and been treated with love and tenderness, perhaps life would not have been so dismal. But, we cannot undo the past; one must learn from it. Since then, I have learned I am worthy, loved, care for and cherished by our Creator!!

I finished nursing school at age 18 and had a whole new life to live. I enjoyed my profession, and grew to love caring for others in settings of hospitals, nursing facilities, and private homes. I learned how to gain respect, friends, and self-worth. 

I met a most interesting fellow at a church function. He had impeccable manners, was kind, thoughtful, and very quiet. On our third date, he asked the BIG question...and I said yes! I was nervous, excited, and afraid, thinking I was not good enough.

This man I really, really liked was a virgin. I was not. I felt shame, disgust, and heartbreak, sure that even though I had said yes, I must tell him no. I also knew He would not understand why, and I cried so much. One evening on a date, I felt I HAD to tell him I was not the one for him, because he deserved someone pure. After we cried together a while, we knelt in prayer at the sofa. Such a sweet prayer he prayed for me, asking God to let me know I was the one he had waited for all his life. Now I cried even more! 

I felt I must tell him about my past - all the rapes, coupled with abuse. I believed marrying him was impossible, and was convinced he would agree with me. However, he didn’t. He wrapped his arms around me and told me I was a wonderful, kind, sweet lady. He loved me! He honestly loved ME! He was marrying me for our future, not my past. My past was horrible, but our future was clean and fresh.

It was more than a healing salve to my tattered soul. We have now been married since May 1976. We’re still in love, even more so now. I love my husband with all that is within me. And he loves me the same way. We are serving the Lord full throttle! Life has thrown us big curves, but we are strengthened by the glue from Heaven that no one can break! I am a blessed lady indeed. To God be ALL the glory and Praise!