One of the Cloud Series: “Letters from Prison, Part 2”

Be sure to read yesterday’s post if you haven’t already for the beginning of “Letters from Prison.”

“I researched and tried to practice many different earth-based or ‘pagan’ religions, moving methodically, purposefully avoiding Christianity, creating my own ‘religion’ from bits and pieces of Druidism, sorcery, meditation, Yoga, Shamanism, and natural medicine practices like acupressure. So, I pretty much placed my belief in everything – except God – and it kinda seemed to work!

“My whole philosophy was based on my power and my positive attitude. Well when you are at rock bottom, the only way to go is up. And even though at the deepest depth of my low I was suicidal, and facing at least one, if not two prison sentences of indeterminable length, things began to improve slowly. And I just knew I was in charge and making good things happen in my life.

“As much as I resisted; He persisted. As my simple existence began to improve I developed a sense of gratitude. (Kind of funny since I wasn’t willing to recognize there was a power to be grateful to!) I had cold heartedly walked away from everyone I knew when I went on the run and had no personal contact with friends or family the entire time.

“In jail I began receiving letters from my family and corresponding with my former employer, and his wife whom I considered friends. This friendship has continually supported my growth into a moral individual and spiritually whole human being. I do not know whom God would have chosen had they been unavailable – but they were (available) and He did (choose them).

“Over a period of months as I moved from jail cell to jail cell and then on to prison, I continued to struggle with major depression. Some symptoms of my previous psychosis diminished (the voices!), [but] I developed a form of constant anxiety, and continued having trouble sleeping or concentrating. I began relying on medications to help control my anxiety level. But these often left me either lethargic or extremely aggressive.

“I wanted to be well. But I was also still messing around with drugs, which are readily available within the walls of most prisons. I used meth amphetamines, prescription anti-psychotics and drank the homemade brew we called Pruno.

“Early October of that year was the last time I got high, and I immediately recognized the destructive power at work in my life. It seemed any and all progress I had gained toward some sort of balance had been instantly thrown out.

“Over this period of time I continued searching. I took Yoga classes, tried Zen Buddhist meditation, studied the Tao and other Eastern religions. [I] burned incense, and read some books that began a shift in my overall outlook on life.*

*There are 7 books on my ‘must read’ list included [in the last post]

“[I had] plenty of time to think, to reflect, to consider the results of my previous choices, and see that I have options every day. This is another of God’s great blessings in my life. And I have attempted to take advantage of this gift. It is so easy to fill our time with meaningless pursuits. Thank God for making me a reader! I have gleaned the majority of my practical knowledge from books. They have helped me discover so much about myself, and Him!

“God continued to gently nudge me in the right direction, and my sense of gratitude shifted to a thankfulness for every moment. And I began thanking ‘all’ which could be nothing other than God, though to me it was at the time ‘the Universe’ (something much smaller than He is!).”

Look for part three of our brother's testimony in the next post, Letters from Prison, Part 3.

#searchingforGodinprison #7mustreadsforGodseekers #prisontestimony