Wednesday, February 26, 2014

My Confession

She sat huddled in the cold outside the church, hood bundled around her head, backpacks at her feet. Probably all she owns. I felt bad for her, but the service wasn’t starting for another hour and a half. I was there to do a sound check, but because of a miscommunication, I was there too early. It would be an hour before anyone else arrived. I hesitated before opening the door.

“Hi Babby,” she said, looking out from under her hood. She looked tired, cold, only a few teeth, yet surprisingly cheerful. “What time does the service start?”

“Not for more than an hour,” I apologized. “There’s another event going on in the gym now, if you want to come in and get warm.” I pointed to the side door, “You can go in that way.” She shuffled that direction, but it wasn’t long before she came in the sanctuary and sat down. Just the two of us. I was uncomfortable.

I was tired and feeling sorry for myself. It had been an eventful week. I rehearsed my annoyance at having to leave the warmth of family and friends to hang out in an empty sanctuary because someone forgot to call me. Nursing my anger, I ignored the nagging feeling that I should talk to her. I picked up garbage in the pews, warmed up my instrument, and wandered to other parts of the church until more people came that I felt comfortable with.

I wanted to talk to her, but felt inept. What do I say? What if she’s crazy or wants money or sucks me dry with neediness for the next hour? I feared the unknown. Instead of asking and trusting the One with all the answers to pour His love through me, I recoiled.

I missed a chance to show another human being the love of Christ - the whole reason why the church exists – because it made me uncomfortable. I am ashamed.

The next morning I read a quote by John Henry Jowett:

“God does not comfort us to make us comfortable, but to make us comforters.”

I thought of 2 Corinthians 1:3-4, some of my favorite verses. Was that why God had put this woman in my path?

I have examined my fears of whatever “terrible” things could have happened if I had reached out to her. I have grieved over my failure to be used of God when I had the chance. I’m done beating myself up, mostly, although it’s difficult to let it go. And now I’m ready to let God use it for good.

Yes, I failed my Lord. Yes, He has forgiven me. But what follows next is the most important part. Will I let this experience change my behavior? I hope so. I’m asking for another chance, and I’m confident God will give it to me. I hope to see this woman again and apologize for ignoring her the first time. And when I see others who make me uncomfortable, and I’m tempted to think I have nothing to offer, I will look to Jesus for what is needed. He has comforted me in all my troubles so that I can pass it on to others. Even when it’s an uncomfortable situation.



  1. Thank you for sharing this with such heart wrenching honesty. It IS inspiring to hear your story of this encounter and then look inward to see how would I have approached it? Its a good lesson for us all....

  2. Thank you, Trish. Hopefully others will see themselves in my story and pause to reflect.

  3. Thanks for sharing this with such open honesty. Its a good lesson for us all - where we can reflect on our own actions and how we might (or have) responded in this situation.

  4. Oh wow!! Reading this has helped me tremendously and I see things differently.

    1. I am so glad, Cherise. That's what my blog is all about. Just passing along what God is teaching me, in hopes that it helps others along the way.

  5. Beth,
    Thanks for being transparent. I'm glad that I am not as bad as you... :)
    Actually I am burdened all of the time because I don't share. I know we ought to share with everyone but sometimes I am just to busy. One of my friends was so busy going to a bible study that he did not have time to help a homeless guy on the street. The guy turned out to be a friend who's parents had let him live with them back in high school. Fast forward to that day, he
    passed his friend on the street because he was late to Wednesday night bible study.
    It's a good thing the good Samaritan did not have a pressing bible study to attend.

  6. Thank you for commenting, Derek. As always, I love your humor. Your story made me so sad. We never know who we're passing up, do we? As God reminded me the next day, the woman I passed by is someone's daughter, and precious to Him. Much food for thought.

  7. What beautiful writing. Thanks for a lovely but uncomfortable reminder of what our role is. I have the same issues. I appreciate your thoughts and insights.

    1. Thank you, Mary. This one really hit a nerve! I'm glad that I'm not the only one, but saddened too. Certainly makes me pause to think.

  8. Thanks for being vulnerable. I can relate to preoccupation, etc, etc. and not seizing an opportunity. Marion