Fighting Depression Series

It’s a stupid commercial. Every time it comes on, my husband and I either look at each other and laugh, or chime in with the corny phrase, “I’ve fallen and I can’t get up!” This is followed by the actor’s anemic struggle and pleading eyes. Then the announcer touts the special call button you should always wear around your neck and tells us how we can order one. How ridiculous, we think. Until it happens to you.

The dumbest injury I’ve ever suffered is the time I got trapped under my own yard debris bin. It was full and heavy. I yanked on it with all my weight to roll it down the driveway for pickup, but it flipped over on me instead, pinning me to the ground. I pushed and strained to lift it off; I even tried sliding out from under it, but it wouldn’t budge. Eventually, pain and fear trumped pride and I called for help. I was hoarse and pretty shook up when someone finally heard me. It took three of my neighbors to lift it off. I still have a dent in my leg from where it fell.

Depression can be like that. We don’t like to admit we’re down; we’d rather be up on our feet and roll our own trash to the curb. But the truth is, sometimes we do fall and we can’t get up. That’s when we need help to lift whatever is weighing us down. Depression is not a sin, it’s a feeling, and certainly not anything we choose. But we can choose how we respond to it. Like all human struggles, God has the answers for it.

I am just coming out of the worst season of depression I’ve experienced, other than when I went through an unwanted divorce. It was a heaviness I couldn’t lift - a darkness I couldn’t dispel. Even though I love the Lord and have much to be thankful for, I woke morning after morning with no desire to get up, to do anything, or see anyone. But I did it anyway. I continued to do all the “right” things, while the darkness clung like festering tar.

I continued to press my “call button” and follow God’s counsel. Today, I can truly say the JOY has returned. Praise to God! I know I’m not the only one. Many of you deal with depression on a regular basis or are currently suffering a season of depression. What I share with you in the next three posts is not as an expert, but as a fellow sufferer testifying how God has helped me get up from this all too human frailty. Each post will include what I’ve learned can help when depression hits.

We are created in God’s likeness and He is made up of three persons: Father, Son, and Holy Spirit. We have three parts to our identity as well: Body, Soul, and Spirit. My first post will list some of the physical causes of depression and how we can counteract them. The second post will deal with the soul, which is made up of our mind, our will, and our emotions, and how we can fight depression in those areas. The final post in this series will deal with ways to battle depression in the spiritual realm. I hope this series will help and encourage you, or provide something to share with a friend who is fighting depression.

See you next time.

Are You Worn Out, Lagging Behind?

My new grandson Kai makes the perfect model

I love the new song by Tenth Avenue North called “Worn.” It certainly expresses the way I feel sometimes. I thought of it the other day when I read these verses: “Remember what the Amalekites did to you along the way when you came out of Egypt. When you were weary and worn out, they met you on your journey and attacked all who were lagging behind; they had no fear of God” (Deut. 25:17-18).

Isn’t that the way it is? The enemy always picks off the tired, injured, and unaware. He watches for signs of weakness and attacks when we’re most vulnerable.

What is it that wears you out? For me, it's sickness, pain, discouragement, heartache, and doubt that sap my strength. Often I overdo it, expending energy on unnecessary ventures, or trying to do for others what they should do for themselves. When I take side paths or get involved in discussions God does not intend, I lose my way. Sometimes I’m not even aware I’ve gotten behind until I feel a sudden thud against my spirit; a signal I’ve been hit. Then there’s a feeling of panic.

How can we keep from falling behind? The Bible says that God led the Israelites with a cloud by day and fire by night. Day or night they always knew what direction to go if they looked up. That’s the key for us as well. If we don’t want to get left behind, we need to keep looking up for direction. It may sound simplistic, but it works: reading the Bible every day, listening to God, and Christian fellowship are still God’s answers for making it safely to heaven (our Promised Land).

What about when others straggle behind? Do we just leave them and keep moving? Well, I know how I want to be treated if I start lagging behind. It doesn’t help for someone out front to keep barking, “C’mon, lazy bones; you’re going too slowly. Pick up the pace!” Especially if I am unable to go any faster. I want someone to encourage me to rest, pray for me, walk with me a while to make sure I’m not alone. I try to remember this when I notice one of my fellow sojourners in a weakened state and falling behind.

The sad fact is many will fall to the enemy along the way. Some, because they neglect their own self-care or have leaders that fail to be watchful; others, because they willfully separate from the group. They claim they’re strong enough to defend themselves and don’t need to be a part of the whole. I shudder when I see them fall prey to the devourer because of their own pride and stubborn waywardness.

All of us get worn out from time to time. If you are currently lagging behind, please, let someone know how you feel. Reach out for a helping hand. If the first person you talk to doesn’t respond, keep trying until you find a friend. And look to Jesus for the strength to carry on.

He invites us all, “Are you tired? Worn out?…Walk with me and work with me—watch how I do it. Learn the unforced rhythms of grace. I won’t lay anything heavy or ill-fitting on you. Keep company with me and you’ll learn to live freely and lightly” (Matthew 11:28-30, Message).

Here’s the link to “Worn.” As you listen, be assured you are not alone on this journey: http://tenthavenuenorth.com/  

 

Easter: I Want to See Jesus

I have a love/hate relationship with Bible based movies. I love that they help us picture the holy land and people and events of the Bible better. But I hate it when they mess with the stories in order to make them more “dramatic;” adding, deleting, or rewriting things to suit themselves. You have to laugh at The Ten Commandments with Charlton Heston and his steamy Hollywood scenes with Anne Baxter. His portrayal of Moses as a buff eighty year old rescuing the Israelites from slavery is a little farfetched.

However, very good things have come about through the biblical movies over the years. Like many of you, Kelly and I have been watching The Bible on television, leading up to the final installment on Easter tomorrow. He says I’m no fun to watch with, because I point out every detail that’s not correct. I’m trying to contain myself, really I am, but it’s just that the truth is so much better than some of the stuff they come up with.

I have to say, however, that so far I like this portrayal of Jesus better than any other I’ve seen. I feel like he captures the essence of Jesus’ character most completely. In Jesus of Nazareth, they did a fabulous job presenting the people’s reactions to Him, and what it must have been like to see Jesus in person. But Jesus himself looked wimpy and depressingly holy.

The Passion did a great job depicting the suffering Jesus endured in gory and graphic detail, but that Jesus also seemed distant and unreachable. Not what I picture when I read scripture.

Bruce Marchiano’s depiction of Jesus as a man of joy in the book of Matthew of the Visual Bible, is wonderful. He is winsome, happy, and tender. But is a little kissy and seems a little boyish to me.

So far, the Jesus in this newest movie comes across as strong, joyful, compassionate, and yet zealous for God’s will to be done. He reaches out to the desperate and needy, breaking down social and physical barriers and building connections between God and people. He doesn’t pander to those in power – spiritual or political. Yet, there are still details that will not be quite right.

I know I’m not the only one picking apart every new movie that comes out. Why then do we want them to keep trying to flesh this out for us? Because like so many who flocked to Him during His three years of earthly ministry, we want to see this Jesus. We want to look into His eyes and feel His love for us. We want to know Him in every intimate detail. And even if it’s not exactly right in every detail, we hold in our hearts every morsel that helps us know Him better.

The more I read the Bible, the more I feel like I can see Jesus with the eyes of my heart. I don’t know the color of His hair and eyes, or the smell of His skin, yet I know the sound of His voice when He speaks to me. I don’t know the feel of His touch on my skin, but I know the pull of His spirit when He directs me.

I pray that this Easter and every day after, that you will get a better and better picture of Jesus Christ of Nazareth. His story is true and because He lives we have reason to celebrate. Happy Easter everyone!  

#Easter #therealJesus #accuratebiblicalmovies #moviesaboutJesus #truepictureofJesus

Easter: Does Worship Embarrass You?

There’s been a rash of worship going on at our church lately, and I for one am loving it. It inspires me. One man occasionally makes a lap around the pews as we sing; he just can’t stand still in his love for God. Another woman sways with raised hands, sometimes kneeling in place, lost in exultant praise. There’s an occasional “Woo!” here and there in the congregation and shouts of “Yes!” or “Go God!”

Not long ago I caught a smirk on his face as a man turned away from one such worshiper. I could easily picture him at a football game with his buddies, whooping and hollering for their team. Why is it that it’s perfectly normal in our society for someone to paint their body blue, wear outrageous outfits, or wave a giant finger to show team spirit, yet be embarrassed by the moving of the Spirit of the Lord?

I thought about King David’s wife Michal. She despised him for joining with the commoners in praising God as they brought the Ark of the Covenant into the city. But his response was, “I will celebrate before the Lord. I will become even more undignified than this, and I will be humiliated in my own eyes” (2 Samuel 6:22). He didn’t care what anybody thought of him, his worship was for God alone.

I know I’ve been guilty of letting the world dictate to me what is and is not “politically correct” to get excited about. But why be self-conscious in my exuberance for what I know in my heart to be true and eternal? And why would I ever get embarrassed in front of other believers? Yet I have.

Years ago, my husband came home at a time I wasn’t expecting him. Praise music swelled through the house. In the middle of my cleaning spree I’d gotten so blessed that I simply lay on the floor with arms open wide to revel in the moment. That’s where my husband found me, with joyful tears streaming down my face. And it embarrassed me. The spell was broken and I quickly got up, wiped the tears from my eyes, and mumbled about getting carried away with an apologetic smile.

Another time in church I was lost in reverie - eyes closed, hands raised, when my daughter tugged at my sleeve. “What are you doing, Mommy? Why are you raising your hands?” I whispered that I was praising God and rather than introduce her to this joyous rapture, I let it squelch my praise.

photo by Selaphotography

By myself I’m uninhibited – shouting, dancing, singing, kneeling, occasionally on my face before God. Over the years I’ve become more open at expressing praise at church too, and braver about mentioning God in public. Especially this week as we approach our biggest Christian holiday.

I don’t want the world to water down this holiday with baby chicks, lambs, bunnies, spring flowers and new clothes. As much as I love all that. Jesus is the reason for the glory of this season. The empty tomb is why we celebrate new life. And our worship of Christ is not embarrassing, but a natural outflow of gratitude for Christ’s sacrifice. Death has been conquered – Halleluia!

“For I am not ashamed of the gospel, because it is the power of God that brings salvation to everyone who believes… I eagerly expect and hope that I will in no way be ashamed, but will have sufficient courage so that now as always Christ will be exalted in my body, whether by life or by death…So do not be ashamed of the testimony about our Lord or of me…If anyone is ashamed of [Jesus] and [His] words in this adulterous and sinful generation, the Son of Man will be ashamed of them when he comes in his Father’s glory with the holy angels” (Romans 1:16; Philippians 1:20; 2 Timothy 1:8; Mark 8:38).

Easter: Meeting Our Deepest Need

I heard on the news the other day about Calvin McCraw, a homeless man in Oklahoma City, who will let people vent to him for fifty cents a minute (http://www.wbtv.com/story/21442174/homeless-man...). What an entrepreneur! They say the first rule of success is to look for a need that’s not being met and find a way to satisfy it. Calvin apparently noticed that friends who will listen without interrupting, tuning you out, or giving advice is a need that’s not being met in today’s world. So he’s filling the gap and making a profit.

Of course, what feels like a need isn’t always best for us. The other night I felt like I needed some homemade chocolate pudding with a vanilla wafer, dollop of peanut butter, and piece of dark chocolate melted into each bowl. I was tired at the end of a long day and struggling with unrelenting pain. The first bowl tasted so good, I felt I needed another.

However, once the taste wore off I felt worse than ever – overstuffed and disgusted with myself for going overboard. It wasn’t satisfying because chocolate wasn’t my deepest need. Do you do the same thing? Trying to meet your need with all kinds of things, but still feeling empty inside?

Easter is all about God’s answer to our deepest need. When Jesus came to earth, people thought they needed a king, a political hero to rescue them from the domination of the Romans, a miracle man, but He refused to give them what they thought they wanted. Jesus knew none of those things would satisfy. What they needed was a perfect lamb to provide forgiveness for their sins, once and for all.

After Jesus’ death, a couple of His followers met up with Him on the road to Emmaus, but didn’t recognize Him in His risen form. He asked what they were talking about and they revealed their disappointment and confusion about Jesus. “He was a prophet, powerful in word and deed before God and all the people. The chief priests and our rulers handed him over to be sentenced to death, and they crucified him; but we had hoped that he was the one who was going to redeem Israel” (Luke 24:19-21). That’s when He filled them in, “beginning with Moses and all the Prophets, he explained to them what was said in all the Scriptures concerning himself” (verse 27).

They had thought Jesus was what they needed, until things didn’t go their way. I find myself doing the same thing. So often I seek comfort and ease and happiness, but those are not my greatest needs. Jesus knows we most need an eternal relationship with Him. Time after time, He meets me on the road of life and explains it to me more fully - using His Word, people, even song lyrics, and situations – to help me recognize Him again as my Savior.

Have you had your own Emmaus Road experience? Have you recognized Jesus as your Savior? He is the answer to our greatest need, on Easter and every day.

#Easter #doyouknowwhatyouneed #forgiveness #happiness #Savior

Jesus Man of JOY: Easter

I’m pretty pumped my buddy Trish invited me to do a Kay Warren Bible study with her called: Choose Joy…Because Happiness Isn’t Enough. It’s exactly what I needed right now. I tend to get mired down in my own “stuff” forgetting the JOY that can be mine as a Christian. It encouraged me that Kay has struggled with depression and discouragement like I do

I’ve done numerous word studies on JOY, bravely underlining each verse in my Bible, writing copious notes in the margins. Yet still, the trouble persists. I’ve wondered why. Now, I finally feel like I’m starting to get some answers.

In our first lesson, Kay reminded us that Jesus was a man of JOY. JOY was the essence of His being – His nature. His role as the Lamb of God who came to take away the sin of the world was one of pain and suffering, but that was not His character.

Perhaps at Easter, we focus too much on the sadness of Jesus’ sacrifice on the cross. We repeatedly quote Isaiah’s prophecy that He would be, “Despised and rejected by men, A Man of sorrows and acquainted with grief…He has borne our griefs And carried our sorrows” (Isaiah 53:3-4, NKJV). All that is true, but it’s important to remember Jesus made that sacrifice because of JOY.

Last week, I watched the 2012 remake of the movie Steel Magnolias for the first time. One scene between the character M’Lynn, and her daughter Shelby, had a life-changing impact on me.

Shelby begins to break down at the thought of her mom sacrificing one of her kidneys in order to save her life, and begins to have second thoughts. But M’Lynn says, “You’re lookin at this all wrong. Most mothers only the get the chance to give their child life once. You’re givin me the opportunity to do it twice. I mean, I’m grateful I don’t have to just stand by helpless. It’s a blessin.”

I think that’s what Jesus would say. “Children, you’re looking at this all wrong. I gave you life once, but now because of my death on the cross, you have a second chance at life – eternal life. I didn’t have to stand by helplessly and watch you die in your sin. I had the power to do something about it.”

Jesus told Nicodemus in his nighttime visit that no one can see the kingdom of God unless they are born again (John 3). “The Son of Man must be lifted up,^” He said, so “that everyone who believes may have eternal life in him.” Jesus gladly gives us that chance.

That’s why it says, “For the JOY set before him he endured the cross, scorning its shame, and sat down at the right hand of the throne of God” (Hebrews 12:2, NIV, emphasis mine). Mission accomplished.

So this Easter, while I’m aware of the pain, misunderstanding, abandonment, and separation Jesus went through for our sake when He died on the cross, I’m concentrating more on His reason for going through with it. His motivation was to show us the extent of His love and He had the JOY of knowing that everyone who accepts His offer can also live a life of JOY.

Easter: While the Words are Still on Our Lips

My mom found me weeping and instantly guessed what was on my mind. It’s been the topic of many a prayer, conversation, and ache of my heart for some time. No matter what else I may be doing or who I'm with, this concern is never far from my thoughts.

I suspect many of you deal with something similar – a loved one, health problem, relationship, or circumstance that is constantly on your heart. Someone or something that needs the Lord’s touch; that you are passionate about. If so, it’s probably the frequent topic of conversation between you and others, you and the Lord, or the constant patter in your head.

This is what I thought of the other day when I read Luke 24:36: “While they were still talking about this, Jesus himself stood among them and said to them, ‘Peace be with you.’” In this context, the disciples were talking with two of Jesus’ followers who had just had an encounter with the risen Lord. They didn’t recognize Him as they walked together on the road to Emmaus until He ate with them. The eleven disciples were grappling with this possibility, in fact, right in the middle of talking about “this” when Jesus showed up.

What a comfort it is to realize He still does the same thing for us. Right in the middle of voicing our heartaches, passions, our questions – our “this” – Jesus shows up to reassure us and give us peace. Our “this” may still be unresolved. Things may not be moving forward like we think they should. It might even look like there’s no hope left. The reality of Jesus’ resurrection didn’t answer everything for these believers, but His appearance gave them what they needed to face the future, day by day.

While the words are still on our lips, as we mull over current events and personal tragedies, Jesus’ words still speak to our deepest need. He says, “Why are you troubled, and why do doubts rise in your minds? Look at my hands and my feet. It is I myself! Touch me and see.” As a twenty-first century disciple of Jesus, I found four personal messages for my “this.”

·         Let go of your anxiety and doubts; I’m here

·         Look at what I’ve done for you; the work is finished

·         I have come in person to show you my love

·         Touch me, see me; experience and know me in your heart

My “this” is still unresolved, and the subject of constant prayer, but because Jesus has shown himself to me, my risen Savior, I can have peace. And you can too.

God says, “Before they call I will answer; while they are still speaking I will hear” (Isaiah 65:24). 

#Easter #hopeforheartache #unansweredprayer #needinghope #Jesusshowedup #helpfortoubledhearts

The Miracle of Life

It’s been a while since I’ve posted anything. I have a good excuse. I have been busy welcoming my new grandson into the world. Kai Avery Newman is a very big deal!

Sleeping in Grandma's arms

Last week I had the privilege of staying with my daughter and son-in-law to help out when Daddy went back to work. What a delight! Every time I held his tiny body and gazed into his eyes, I was struck anew with the miracle God performs when He creates a child.


A very huggable little bear

Before any of us knew what Kai looked like, or his gender, God was designing a one of a kind creation in the unseen world of my daughter’s womb. In fact, God knew all about Kai, before the moment of his conception. For, as God said to the prophet Jeremiah, “Before I formed you in the womb I knew you, before you were born I set you apart” (Jeremiah 1:5, emphasis mine). 

We got our first glimpse of the boy we’d already given our hearts to on the day of his birth. Dark hair, dusky skin, perfect in every way. He has his mommy’s ears, daddy’s long slender fingers, grandpa’s nose, his other grandpa’s cleft chin, and a myriad of expressions that look familiar, yet new. Everything a baby does is somehow fascinating – the way he curls his fingers over his face, explores with his tongue, and lays on his changing table mesmerized by some aspect of the wall we cannot fathom. 


Me and my Valentine Bear






Ready for my first Sunday at church

Kai’s distinct personality will reveal itself like a bud unfurling. Even at a young age, his God-given gifts will become evident. Will he be creative and musical like his parents? Or will he be analytical and scientific? Will he be wise, compassionate, bold, an encourager, adventurer, generous, steadfast? Only God knows all that is yet to be discovered in this man child.

Kelly and I have witnessed this miraculous process with our three and a half year old granddaughter Jolieanna. The whole family waited at the hospital for our first glimpse of her, where she immediately stole our hearts. Her wild blonde curls and eyes the color of a summer sky are a complete contrast to her newborn cousin.



Doctor Jolie ready for business

Her impish grin and husky laugh, insatiable hunger for knowledge, and need to keep moving at all times have become a sweet part of our lives. Already nurturing the younger children at her mommy’s daycare, Jolie couldn’t wait to hold Kai and love him into the family. Who knew four years ago that this little girl would be hurtling through the water at breakneck speed? That she would take ballet and tap classes, sing songs about Jesus, and learn how to drive our little yellow four wheeler with an uncompromising zest for life? God did. 

Driving lesson with Grandpa




Swimming like a fish

He’s  performed this miracle of creation millions of times, yet never tires of it. He treasures each one of us and likes to show us off just as much as Kelly and I like to show off our kids and grandkids. As proud as we are, we can’t claim any credit. God alone has done the work and knows all they are and all they can be. The miracle of life.

“For you created my inmost being;
you knit me together in my mother’s womb.
 I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made;
your works are wonderful,
I know that full well.
My frame was not hidden from you
when I was made in the secret place,
when I was woven together in the depths of the earth.
Your eyes saw my unformed body;
all the days ordained for me were written in your book
before one of them came to be.”

Psalm 139:13-16

Who Captured Whom?

There’s been quite a few times in my life when I’ve felt like a captive - to a job, circumstance, finances, or even my own crazy emotions. But I read a story the other day that reminded me to looking at things in a new way.

In the book of Acts, Apostle Paul got arrested for preaching about Jesus’ resurrection. When he found out the Jews were plotting to kill him, the captain of the guard decided to take Paul to Felix to try his case. But instead of giving a verdict, Felix tried to use Paul instead, and plunked him in prison. But instead of seeing himself as a pawn in someone else’s game, Paul took charge of the situation.

“Felix and his wife, Drusilla, who was Jewish, sent for Paul and listened to him talk about a life of believing in Jesus Christ. As Paul continued to insist on right relations with God and his people, about a life of moral discipline and the coming Judgment, Felix felt things getting a little too close for comfort and dismissed him. ‘That’s enough for today. I’ll call you back when it’s convenient.’ At the same time he was secretly hoping that Paul would offer him a substantial bribe. These conversations were repeated frequently. After two years of this, Felix was replaced by Porcius Festus. Still playing up to the Jews and ignoring justice, Felix left Paul in prison.” (Acts 24:24-27, Message).

At first glance, it doesn’t seem at all like Paul had the upper hand. He was there for two years! But look closer. It definitely wasn’t two years of freedom and comfort for Paul, but he was the one who was free, not Felix and Drusilla. He knew who he was, where he was going, and his purpose in life. Even in prison, he pursued it wholeheartedly. On the other hand, Felix was trapped by his greed and insatiable hunger for power, even while he longed for the freedom he could see in Paul.

Initially they were pretty shook by Paul’s words, but the longer they vacilated, the harder their hearts became. “Felix and Drusilla were not righteous. Their life was filthy, their history diabolical. They were not liked by the people they ruled and were not trusted by even their own household of slaves, servants, and companions” (Jon Courson’s Application Commentary).

Eventually, Felix was kicked out of power and lived the rest of his life in Rome in disgrace. Two years later, Drusilla died at twenty-one, when Mount Vesuvius erupted. They had the chance for true freedom, but chose to die captives to sin.

In the meantime, how many people overheard Paul’s message in the palace and prison cells? How many people were saved when he spoke of Christ with confidence and joy? They could see from his life that imprisonment meant nothing; his spirit was free.

I want to live like that. There are definitely times in this life when we would like to be free of pain, unkindness, and discomfort. But none of that can imprison our heart and hold us captive. Paul’s story is such a good reminder those who accept Christ’s love and forgiveness can never be held captive by anyone or anything else.

 

“Puny god”: Who is Lord?

My husband’s favorite scene in The Avengers is when Loki challenges the Hulk, saying, “I am a god you dull creature! And I will not be bullied by…”

At which point the Hulk grabs him by the feet and whomps him back and forth a few times. As the Hulk walks away from Loki, now gasping on the floor in pain, he says, “Puny god.” (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=30lGrarz3MQ)

I thought of that the other day when I read Luke 6. Jesus was teaching in the temple and the Pharisees were watching like vultures.  They were hoping “to catch him in a Sabbath infraction” by healing a man in the crowd with a crippled right hand. However, “He knew what they were up to and spoke to the man with the crippled hand: ‘Get up and stand here before us.’ He did.”

No doubt Jesus had to resist the urge to grab one of them by the feet and whomp them back and forth a few times? Just who did they think they were anyway, trying to catch Him breaking the rules? I know I would have pulled a Hulk move!

Instead, “Jesus addressed them, ‘Let me ask you something: What kind of action suits the Sabbath best? Doing good or doing evil? Helping people or leaving them helpless?’He looked around, looked each one in the eye. He said to the man, ‘Hold out your hand.’ He held it out—it was as good as new!” (Luke 6:6-11, Message)

And what was their reaction? Were they humble? Mute? Did they lay on the ground moaning like Loki as the all-powerful God made an exit? The rest of verse eleven says, “They were beside themselves with anger, and started plotting how they might get even with him.”

When Jesus was crucified they thought they had won; they thought they were the ones with the answers. Three days later, He proved what puny gods they were. As He said on a similar occasion: “The Son of Man is no slave to the Sabbath; he’s in charge” (Luke 6:5).

I was feeling pretty smug that I’m not guilty of trying to catch God breaking the rules, until I asked Him, What do you want to show me in this passage, Lord?  The answer was immediate. I am a puny god.

I may not blatantly seek to discredit the Lord, or try to trap Him, but when I argue with Him about the very truths He has put into place, I set myself up as a god in competition with Him. And I look as foolish as Loki or the Pharisees did. That includes debating with God about His rules for living, the nature of creation, what will happen in the future, or even putting myself down as having no value. Even in that, I argue with His sovereignty and declared wisdom.

So instead of trying to second guess the Lord, I’m working on bowing and following orders instead. Why not? That’s when people get healed and the power of sin is defeated.