Were you
expecting pictures of beautiful women when you saw the title of this post? The
foxes in this case are from an obscure little verse in the steamy love poetry
of Song of Songs in the Bible. If you haven’t already, I suggest you read it
with your husband or wife and then go get a little steamy yourselves.
“Is God okay
with that?” you ask. Well, He’s the One who created us for intimacy, and He
knows how it all works. In fact, He knows how marriage works best, and we are wise when we follow His
instructions. But that’s not what I want to write about today.
Two verses from
Song of Songs (or Song of Solomon depending on your Bible translation) have always
struck me as profound. The husband says to his wife:
“My dove in the clefts of the rock, in the hiding places on the
mountainside, show me your face, let me hear your voice; for your voice is
sweet, and your face is lovely. Catch for us the foxes, the
little foxes that ruin the vineyards, our vineyards that are in bloom” (Song
of Songs 2:14-15).
I love the
nickname he has for her—Dove—the symbol of peace and purity. In this scene, she’s
hiding from her Lover. I get the feeling she is hurt and he’s trying to reassure
her of his love, and drawing her out. His words say, “You’re safe with me.”Then
he gives her an instruction that at first seems out of place—Catch the foxes. What
does this have to do with their relationship?
In the
literal sense: If you have a vineyard in bloom and a bunch of foxes go
scampering through it knocking off the fragile buds, it will affect your
harvest. In relationships it’s much the same. There are times of vulnerability
in each marriage, and areas of vulnerability in each partner. If we are rough or
inconsiderate with each other we can damage the fruitfulness of the marriage.
The Lover in
this poem is telling his wife to do the same thing we need to do for each other
in our marriages. Watch out for and catch the “little foxes” before they damage
your relationship.
Here are a few,
which if not dealt with while they are small, can cause much heartache:
- Carelessly spoken or critical words
- Letting days pass without meaningful touch, like long hugs or kisses
- When busyness keeps you from date night and a daily check in
- Talking without eye contact
- Conversations that go no deeper than fact and opinion
- Putting our children ahead of each other
- Giving more focused attention to phones and computers than each other
- Withholding words of affection and praise
- Disrespecting one another
- Forgetting to laugh and delight in your spouse
- Failing to pray together every day
You probably thought of a few others as you read my list. Not everyone's list will be the same.
Kelly and I
are currently in a season that requires a lot of time apart. We’re making great
efforts to pray together morning and night, and send each other texts throughout
the day and evening in order to stay connected. We share funny stories, dreams
and ideas, and how God is speaking to us from His Word and through daily
encounters. All this contributes to a sense of intimacy while we’re apart.
We keep
reminding each other “it’s only for a season.”
But when we
are together, we’re both so exhausted and busy catching up we forget to talk about all the stuff we've been saving up. So we’re finding new times to talk when we’re at
our best—like lunch dates when he’s in town instead of evenings out, and making
sure we set aside our phones and really listen.
Are there
little foxes scampering through your vineyard that you need to catch and banish
from your marriage?
Where is
your husband or wife feeling vulnerable right now? How can you actively protect
and nourish them?
This
Valentine’s and every day, love is not just flowers and a card (and of course
chocolate!); love is investing in our partner for a lifetime harvest of mutual
delight and satisfaction.
Happy
Valentine’s Day!
#Valentines
#howtoloveforlife #itsthelittlethings #songofsongs #foxesvines
#protectyourpartner
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