How to Keep a Wife

Now that Valentine’s Day is over, you men may be breathing a sigh of relief. No more romance for a while…at least not until your wife’s birthday or your anniversary, right? But until then, how do you plan on keeping your love alive? Is that all women want—flowers, candy, and endless romance?

Take Peter Pumpkin Eater for instance. I’ve always been a little confused about him. Could he not keep a wife because he couldn’t afford a house of his own? That would explain why he was thrilled to find a jumbo-sized pumpkin, big enough to set up housekeeping in. Or could he not keep a wife because he wasn’t a good husband? In an effort to prevent her escape, did he then lock her in an abnormally large pumpkin (which sounds damp, smelly, and cramped) and thereby “keep” his wife? 

No matter how you look at it, it doesn’t sound like an ideal romance, much less an admirable children’s rhyme. But it is thought-provoking. Just what is the best way to keep a wife (or husband)? 

These ten ideas are not a comprehensive list, but they are the yearnings I hear most often from women.

1    1. Pursue

Women want to be pursued, not just before marriage, but for a lifetime. Women want to feel like they’re interesting enough to motivate a man to action. It doesn’t have to be big—an occasional text or call to say hello, an invitation for a walk, regular date nights to laugh and talk without interruption.

2    2.  See

Women want to be seen—beyond their facial expression, curves and outer appearance to who they are inside. She’s a wondrous creation of body, soul, and spirit, with dreams and longings. She longs to be known, really known; by the one she loves the most.  

3    3.  Connect

Women want a meaningful connection with their husbands. But there are many variables—differing work schedules, hungry kids, evening activities, so you have to pick a time that works for both of you. Then turn off the TV, put down your phones and reconnect. 

4    4.  Cherish

To cherish means to adore, be devoted to, treasure, prize, and hold dear. Women long to feel cherished—more than the vintage car her husband’s restoring; more than the business opportunity he hopes to land; more than his next fishing or hunting trip; more than time in his man cave. 

5    5.  Protect

Women are smart, capable, strong, and resilient, but they still want the protection of a good man. They don’t need their husbands to solve everything, or fight all their battles. But a woman needs to sense her husband is on her side, watching out for her best interests; that he has her back.

6    6.  Provide

This is most often what men think proves their love (remember Peter Punkin Eater?), but a woman’s definition of provision might differ from a man’s. True, she needs a house, food, clothes, and basic necessities, but these things should give her comfort, not stress. If her husband is always working, or thinking about working, she won’t feel loved.  She will feel alone.

7    7.  Touch

A young mom, surrounded by clingy children needs a touch that replenishes, instead of demands or expects. Women of all ages constantly give to others. A long hug, holding her hand, a foot rub, stroking her hair, or rubbing her back, without the expectation of sex, tells a woman she is loved. And is more likely to elicit her touch in return. 

8    8.  Lead

The best kind of leader is not a dictator or tyrant, but one who truly cares about his “subjects.” He seeks wise counsel in order to make the best decisions for his “kingdom.” Wives want to give input and contribute, but they’re not created to bear the burden of leadership. Leadership is a privilege and a responsibility of manhood. A man who leads as Jesus did will bless his wife immensely.

9    9.  Pray

A woman whose husband prays with and for her feels a special kind of intimacy with him that goes deeper than sex, because it touches her spirit.  A self-serving man prays at his wife, attempting to manipulate and change her; a godly man seeks God’s best for her in intercessory prayer.

1    10.  Know God

The best way to “keep” a wife, by far, is for a man to know and love the One who created her.  How? By reading and studying the Bible, being an example of Christ-like love, and sharing a life of faith-filled JOY. 

These are the longings of a woman’s heart and some of the best ways I know to build a lifetime of love. No pumpkin required.

#whatwomenwant #howtoloveawoman #10waystoabettermarriage #lifetimelove #reallove

Love Stories Part 2: It’s the Little Things

King Solomon said , it’s the little foxes that spoil the vines (as they romp through the vineyard in their quest for love, food, or adventure) in Song of Songs 2:15—a racy little book from the Bible you might want to read with your spouse. It’s also the little things that make for a great harvest—and a great love. That’s what we treasure most in our marriage.
 

In the nine years Kelly and I have been married, we keep finding more and more little ways to say I Love You. Foot rubs, running the other a bath after a hard day, silly texts, and learning to love (or at least show interest) in what the other is excited about. Words are especially important.

Before the tile was done on our kitchen counters, we wrote love notes and encouraging scriptures on the plywood. Even though they’re covered now, we know all the love we expressed to each other is still there.  

The other night on our way home from a movie, Kelly took a side street and circled back to the intersection. Then he suddenly leaped from the car and raced into the darkness. I didn’t know what was going on. I kept glancing behind the car to see if anyone was coming, and out in the direction he went. Was there an emergency; did I need to go help? Suddenly he reappeared and leaned over for a kiss as he got back in and handed me a daffodil. He had seen one blooming in a random patch of grass and knows how I love them.

Sigh.

This is what others said when I asked what their husband or wife does that makes them feel loved. I hope these make you smile and give you a few ideas of your own.

Hugs and kisses, and my morning text, to name a few.

Jacquie

I can't pick just a couple. Kisses on the forehead, bare belly bumps, when he does laundry, dishes and makes dinner, when he tells me he loves me, brings me coffee in bed, when he calls to check on me. I claim the calling to see if I'm ok is annoying because being me isn't something fixable, but it makes my heart warm and reassures me that we are in this together.  I also love when he still laughs at me. Having a relationship like ours and going through it all and making it hasn’t been easy. Being able to see and hear him laugh is easily the best since we came so close to not being together. He also fixed the toilet paper holder.
Cheryl

She puts my work shoes on the boot heater to warm them up for me.
Christian

She scratches my back .
Grae

He does the dishes after I cook dinner and leaves coffee cards in my car to surprise me.
Tara

He sends me random love texts, encouragement and belief in my dreams, and gives me his undivided attention.
Kourtnie

He rubs my feet, snuggles on the couch with me, and reads me Sherlock Holmes.

Marlie-Jo

He makes me a fresh pot of coffee for the morning.
Launa

List is to dang long to write!

Nick

She makes my lunch in the morning.  
Dustin

He takes me on date days, finds flowers on the sidewalk on the way to our bus, brings me my favorite coffee when I've had a hard day, gives me sweet notes with a single flower, draws love notes on the mirror, when he takes both kids on walks so I can take a special bath time or an extra nap.

Heidi

Happy Valentines to you all! Whether you’re married, dating, or single, these are great ways to show someone else you care about them. All love comes from God—He created beauty, touch, humor, coffee beans, and surprise. He can show us how to be aware of other’s needs. So go to it!

#Valentines #lovenotes #itsthelittlethings #improveyourmarriage #howtoloveyourmate

Love Stories

I asked for love stories and received these beautiful accounts that will inspire you and make you say, “Ahh.” Every love story, whether romantic love, friendship, or parental love is worth sharing. They inspire all of us to be better lovers, in every sense of the word. I hope they warm your heart and give you ideas on how you can be better lovers as we celebrate the tremendous power of love—demonstrated in word and deed.

Laurie’s story:

I loved my husband and was married to him for over 23 years, but it felt like we had only a few short years when the Lord called him home suddenly—in  just a few dreadful moments at midnight. I held his head in my hands as I prayed in desperation for him to breathe. A blood clot had lodged in his bronchial artery and he struggled to get air past it into his lungs.

What a sacred time of togetherness this was. I was permitted time to tell him what a wonderful husband he had been to me, and what a beloved-good father he had been. Even though I begged God not to take him home I could feel this was his day to receive his heavenly reward.

I had been reading my Bible since the age of 17 and knew so many things about the Lord by this time; I knew He never made mistakes in His timing. I knew by heart the word that proclaims the 'Day of our death is precious in His sight' and also that 'it is better than the day of our birth.' I did not fall into questioning or despair at his departure, only a deep sadness at what I would have to live without.

He was a very protective father and husband, so much so that when it snowed he would tell me I would not be driving to work! He would warm up his truck and he would escort me safely to work and back.

Through the love of my long-time church friends, work friends, and CR I began to receive hope that my sadness was lifting and there would be a purpose for my life in the future. That's when my oldest son called with the shocking news that my daughter had died early that morning, moments after feeding her newborn baby, only 7 days old.

I had talked to her the night before—another one of those 'Godly Gifts' I will be forever thankful to Him for! It made it harder to believe, however. She hadn't been ill or sick, just happy to receive the newest addition in her family of 11 children. I went to stay with the children until my oldest grand-daughter could arrive to help my son in law. It wasn't long before I could see how beneficial I could be to the family if I stayed to help.

My days are now filled with helping raise and transport the kids to their practices and games. I think back to how God orchestrated my availability to be able to move from the West coast to the East. If He hadn't taken my husband home first, the move would never have been possible.

God knew what it would take to make a way for me to help. I loved my community and my friends were a security after the loss of my best friend (my husband!) I cried as I drove East and I was afraid to let go...God said quietly but distinctly, " You will lose a lot of things but when you get there the most important thing of all will be right there waiting for you, and that will be ME!" 

Tori’s story:

I had been dating Beau, the love of my life for a long time, and wishing he would ask me to marry him. So much so that I bought a wedding dress, just in case he proposed. 

I knew Beau was the one for me so I headed to Goodwill before moving from Maryland to Illinois (his hometown). I saw a dress in the back of the store that was gorgeous and still had the tags. It was just my size so I handed the cashier $50 and packed it up.

The dress became stagnant when I moved to Illinois. It was not put to use as quickly as I hoped it would. I was fixed on getting married very quickly. When I passed by the dress I would become mad at Beau then proceed to yell at him for not proposing yet. Beau was always calm and sweet with his reply, "Just be patient." How I hated when he said that.

So my dress kept sitting, no ring on my finger yet. I left for a trip back to Maryland to visit my family. While I was gone I had no clue that my king of grand gestures, Beau, was creating my wedding.

It came time to travel back to Illinois, on the trip home I was just excited to see Beau again but still bitter we still weren't engaged. I began to pull up to Beau’s house and saw streets full of vehicles. I got out of the car, completely confused, Beau walked out of the house, got on his knee and asked me to be his wife.

Well by now you should know I screamed yes... then not only did he propose he said, "Good, because we are getting married today." WHAT!?

I was walked back to a hall and had makeup and hair done in 15 minutes then straight into my no longer stagnate dress. My family had raced to beat me to Illinois and surprised me too. 

I had a whole lot of emotions as I walked down the aisle to that crazy man that I adore. I, of course, felt like a total brat for yelling at him so much about marriage. I'm sure at some point he thought, "Well Lord I'm not sure if I can go through with this," but the whole time he had something beyond my wildest dreams planned. If it had gone my way, Beau would have proposed out of my impatience and it wouldn't have been as magical as our wedding was.

What an amazing husband I have to know his bride so well. He created the perfect wedding in a week and gave me the surprise of lifetime. I feel this story is a lot like God’s love. We beg and plead for things we desire, but if God always gave us our desires we would miss out on something so much more beautiful and wonderful. I'm so fortunate to have been blessed with this beautiful love story.

Happy Valentines Day! Tune in for more tomorrow.

#Valentines #lovestories #shareyourstory #romanticlove #loveislike