Healthy Margins Series: Physical Wellness

        

This is the margin I seem to struggle with the most lately. I’ve been sick more than ever before and have had reoccurring back problems. At first I attributed it to my move to a new community, and the changes of being newly remarried, gaining three step kids, getting older, and so forth. However, I’m realizing it has more to do with my resistance to physical limits than anything else.

             

Are you like me? When you feel there’s much to do and so little time to get it done, do you tend to push yourself until you’re so spent you can hardly function? God has been convicting me, and allowing me to suffer occasional “time outs” of sickness and pain, to convince me how important it is to operate within the margins He prescribes for our physical bodies.

             

Whatever we do in our Body affects our Spirit (relationship with God) and Soul (relationships with others). They are intertwined. That’s why when we insist on doing our own thing instead of God’s, it negatively affects our body (Psa. 38:4-8; Prov. 3:5-8, 4:20-22, 14:30).

            

The illustration below shows four biblical margins. In the center are all the hours of the day. On the sides are the limits God puts on those activities for our health and safety. If you’re a Christian and have asked Jesus to be Lord of your life, the first margin belongs to Him. You are His dwelling, His house, His temple, and the way you care for your body should honor Him. “Do you not know that your bodies are temples of the Holy Spirit, who is in you, whom you have received from God? You are not your own; you were bought at a price. Therefore honor God with your bodies” (1 Cor. 6:19-20).

	GOD’S HOUSE
FOOD	BODY	SEX
	EXERCISE/REST

            

The second margin is in our sexuality. The purpose of sex is not just to have babies, nor is it a diversion, an escape, a weapon, or a form of entertainment. Sexual intimacy is meant to be a holy union between a man and woman within the covenant of marriage. Anything else crosses the boundaries God designed and created for the beauty, pleasure, health, and safety of our physical being. These are just a few of many scriptures on sexuality (Mal. 2:15; Rom. 13:12-14; Gal. 5:16-21, 6:7-9; 1 Cor. 6:12-20, 1 Thess. 4:3-8).

             

The third margin is the area of food. Most of us know what foods and how much we should eat for good health. However, very few Christians refrain from eating regularly, to practice the spiritual discipline of fasting. God has urged me forward in this for the last few years, and the rewards have been tremendous. Because I love to eat and have a history of food addiction, I did not begin enthusiastically. However, God continued to show me reasons why I should.

           

Fasting benefits the body. Food is the fuel that keeps us going; fasting gives it a rest from the never-ending job of digestion. But mostly, it benefits the spirit and soul, giving them victory over the flesh, which always wants to dominate our actions. It gives us time to focus on prayer, listen for God’s instructions, and seek Him in earnest. Jesus referred to fasting as a practice His followers would continue after His return to heaven (Matt. 6:16-18, 9:14-15; Mark 2:18-19; Acts 13:2-3, 14:22-23). If you are considering this, I applaud and encourage you! You will be blessed immeasurably, and challenged as never before.

             

The final physical margin is exercise and rest. Neither one is meant to master us, nor to be completely ignored. Our bodies are created for both movement and repose. Our needs change according to our age, our work environment, and our physical limitations, but obedience to God is imperative, not only for physical health, but our spiritual and emotional welfare.

    

I hope this series is challenging you to go deeper, reach higher, and draw closer to Jesus in every aspect of your life. In the next two posts, we will take a look at what scripture says about the margins for our mind and emotions, and in ministry.

Healthy Margins Series: Relationships (Boundaries): Part 2

If you missed yesterday’s post, you’ll want to read it before this, or you’ll be lost. Besides, I don’t want you to miss a thing. This “Margins” series has been one of the most difficult to write. For one thing, I’m well aware I don’t have it perfected in my own life, but on the other hand I’ve been studying and working these principles for years. So it’s hard to know how much information to include.

            Since this is a blog and not a book, these posts are just a taste from my four decades of Bible study (My that makes me feel old!), as well as numerous books on the subject. I pray this whets your appetite to learn more. I recommend Boundaries and Safe People by Drs. Henry Cloud and John Townsend.

            Here, again, is our “page” for margins in Relationships. The last two are biggies:  

	INTIMACY W/ GOD
PERSONAL SPACE	RELATIONSHIPS	OTHERS’  SPACE
	SOUL TIES

Giving Others’ Space:

            As I said yesterday, we each need alone time to replenish our soul. We also need to allow others the same courtesy when they’re exhausted or overwhelmed - even if it doesn’t fit with our agenda or they need more time alone than we do. We need to care about their emotional health as much as we do our own. This does NOT mean one can go off for hours anytime they want and leave the other feeling abandoned. Compromise and communication are essential.

            My husband requires much less time alone than I do, but when he does, he simply says, “Hey, do you mind if I look at cars on my computer for a while and get some “me” time? I need about 30 minutes. Then maybe we can watch a movie (or, read, go for a walk, have a fire in the fire pit) after that?” I’m free to say the same to him. It’s how we let the other one know we’re not angry or avoiding them, and it gives the other person a chance to do their own thing for a while.

            The Bible also talks about - allowing for different styles of communication (Prov. 15:23, 18:13); being considerate of the timing and length of our stay (Prov. 25:16-17, 27:14); and most of all, looking to God to meet our emotional needs rather than depending on other people (Psa. 23:2-3, Matt. 11:28-30, Mark 6:31).

            This leads to the last margin of relationships…

Soul Ties:

            Soul ties are deep emotional bonds that develop between two individuals. It’s a connection of mind, will, and emotions. We attach to others through common ideas, passions, or sexual union. Soul ties can exist between husband and wife, friends, co-workers, and even virtual strangers. These ties are either blessed by God, or of evil origin.

            A soul tie is not to be entered into lightly; these bonds have deep spiritual and emotional consequences. When we link with another in an unholy connection, it will become a heavy chain that enslaves us until we seek release from the relationship, and the memories, through the cleansing power of the Holy Spirit. If you’ve never heard about this before, but suspect you’re suffering from a past relationship, I encourage you to research “breaking soul ties” and pray specifically for God’s healing.

            Modern Bible translations don’t use the phrase, but the KJV speaks of being “knit together” with another. And the Bible is full of examples of how soul ties can either bless our lives, or destroy us. A perfect example of a well-meaning godly man in an unholy soul tie is the story of King Ahab and King Jehoshaphat in 2 Chron. 18:1-19:3. It’s what happens when we try to rescue others, instead of letting God do the saving.

            Three nonnegotiable soul tie margins for Christians are: 1. Our best friends and spouse must be believers (1 Sam. 18:1-4; Amos 3:3; 2 Cor. 6:14); 2. Spending time with other believers is priority (Acts 2:42-47; 1 Cor. 5:1-2; Heb. 10:24-25; 1 John 1:7), and, 3. Sexual intimacy is to be reserved for marriage, with one partner of the opposite sex (Gen. 2:24; Mark 10:8; 1 Cor. 6:16; Heb. 13:4).

            I hope I’ve given you some things to think about, pray about, and put into practice in your life. The next post in this series will be about practicing margins in the physical realm.

Healthy Margins Series: Relationships (Boundaries): Part 1

Isn’t life all about relationships? Why, then, would we need to have boundaries? Aren’t we supposed to give sacrificially of ourselves, encourage, listen, and draw others close? I struggle to know how much of myself to give and when to draw the line, because relationships are so important to me. I want to get it right. My guess is they’re important to you too, or you wouldn’t be reading this.

            In recent years the word “boundaries” has helped define healthy margins, and how we can establish and maintain them. Christians often allow the demands of relationships to spill to the very edge of their being, but this, I am learning, is not a true interpretation of God’s Word.
           God created us to need meaningful relationships. But He knows our tendency to either give too much or behave selfishly. So He set margins, or boundaries, for us to keep, that protect and nourish both our souls and the souls of others. 

	INTIMACY W/ GOD
PERSONAL SPACE	RELATIONSHIPS	OTHERS’  SPACE
	SOUL TIES

    

            I hope this image helps explain what I mean. In the middle of our “page” are all our relationships - people we interact with everyday at work, school, in our community or church. We play, laugh, learn, and grow with them. We spend the bulk of our time with them and many become very dear to us.

            However, our closest relationships are the ones in the side margins. These margins need to be cherished and protected. If we get out of balance –and all of us do –our central relationships will either take over, leaving no margins, or one or more of the margins will take more than its fair share. Not surprisingly, our first and most important margin relationship is with God.

Intimacy With God:

            If you’re a Christian, you live and move and have your being in Christ. So actually our relationship with Him encompasses and weaves through every other relationship. The margin with God, then, is not the only time we have with Him, but the time we devote solely to Him - to nourish a personal, intimate relationship. In this time we seek His guidance (Psa. 5:3) and hunger and thirst to know Him more (Psa. 42:1-2, 63:1-8; Matt. 5:6). No one else can take His place (1 Sam. 2:2; Luke 14:25-27; John 6:67-69).

            The problem comes when we allow other relationships to take precedence over our eternal life-connection with God. Like other relationships, it requires regular communication (prayer is a conversation, not a monologue), focused, meaningful time with our Lord, and complete honesty. Is God your number one Love? If this margin is slim to non-existent - set your alarm, get out of bed, put down the remote or cell phone, and excuse yourself from whatever else you’ve been doing and go on a daily date with God.

Personal Space:

            The need for personal space to refuel varies widely from person to person. Some are energized by constant interaction and don’t need a lot of alone time to process or tinker. People who like to be alone - to work, create, make decisions, or learn - may love being with others, but it depletes their energy. So they need to get alone to recharge. Each of us needs to have a margin that meets our own needs, whether it’s social time or solitude. This gets tricky when a “social bug” marries or is best friends with a “loner” and insists the other live at their pace. So the next margin we need to look at is…Giving Others’ Space. I will cover that in tomorrow’s post as we continue to look at “Margins in Relationships.”